i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
