You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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