I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
