True but thats because hes a fetus.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
