how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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