i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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