'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
