I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
