Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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