I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
