That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did not marry a roomba.
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