my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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