I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
