I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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