Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
