the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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