On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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