I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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