I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
