would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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