I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
