so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
