Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
