1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
