More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
