Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
