while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
