I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
