Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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