He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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