Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
