jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
