You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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