You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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