If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
