Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
