thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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