I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
