my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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