You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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