btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
