I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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