Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
