i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize