The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize