Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
