i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
