Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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