We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just puked most of my soul out..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
