I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
