Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
