I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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