he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
