Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
