So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
