She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
