so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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