so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
