I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
