Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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