Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
