Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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