I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
