There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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