I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
